Sun Tunnels

I have a long list of places in Utah that I want to see. A lot of them I wouldn't know about if I didn't follow different Utah accounts. One of the places that have been on my list for a little while is The Sun Tunnels. I have seen cool pictures of them and all I knew is that they were in the middle of nowhere out kind of by the Salt Flats.

My friend Kyle and I both love photography. He does more portraits and I do more nature, but we both dangle in the other's specialty. We have talked about collaborating and doing more photoshoots together... but so far we only did Bridal Veil Falls shoot together, until this last weekend.

I asked Kyle if he would want to go to the Sun Tunnels with me to take pictures. He said yes and in true Kyle fashion invited other friends to come with. He has a lot more friends than I do... it's fine. I didn't realize that he invited 3 people, but I didn't have any expectations. I go to pick him up at his house... he first grabs a friend that was over at his house already. This friend was deaf. Then he told me we were going somewhere else to pick up his next friend.... so we did that. Then we drove to Draper to meet up with his next friend that was going to drive the rest of the way there. The two guys seemed friendly enough... when we got to Draper to meet the girl, right off the bat I didn't think I was going to like her. I thought she was going to be loud and annoying and our personalities were not going to mesh. Kyle decided I was going to sit up front with this girl and the boys were all going to sit in the back... although I was kind of bummed because I was looking forward to learning some sign language in the back seat... I embraced the front seat with this girl. As I often am... I was wrong about this girl and we had a ton in common and we laughed and sang and danced on our little road trip to the middle of nowhere. We chatted away and started making plans for the rest of the summer. It was amazing how, like me, she is super open to new friendships with people that are like minded and want to do the same type of things. She ended up being super genuine and took me into the group... in fact, they all did. They were all super good friends that have hung out plenty. I was the odd one out, but I didn't feel that way at all, which was really awesome. I think that says a lot about a group.

We didn't get to the Sun Tunnels in time (too many stops) and it was dark and cold and windy by the time we got there. We still hung out for a while anyway and then headed home determined to go back again in time for sunset. We had a blast together, which made it so I wasn't so disappointed in not getting there in time, because I made 3 new friends... which was more important to me. I became better friends with Kyle... I mean, we don't know each other that well  anyway. We met in the Shake is Off Video and did one photoshoot together. However, on the way home we decided that we must have many more adventures this summer. We started a Summer Adventure club. I hope it pans out, because it if does... I have a fun new crew. And maybe some new travel buddies. We shall see. What a random and fun new adventure. I'm excited about my new friends.

My friend Kyle took this picture of the Sun Tunnels that night. Turned out pretty cool.

Teddy Ruxpin

After my Grandma passed away, I requested getting to keep Teddy Ruxpin if my aunt or uncle didn't claim him. He was my favorite toy growing up at my grandparents house. Besides the blocks. Anyway... Teddy Ruxpin and I reunited. I got to keep him and was pretty excited about it. I put some new batteries in him and he still works! 

10 Reasons why Provo Rocks

When I first moved to Provo, I only associated Provo with BYU... which most people do. I get asked all of the time... "why do you still live in Provo, aren't you too old to be living there? There is not a lot to do there if you don't go to BYU". I used to agree with that... but that was before I became more educated about what was around me. As it turns out there are a lot of things I love about living in Provo.

Whenever I have had couch surfers stay with me, if I have time, I show them around Provo and take them to a few local spots. I always wondered why out of towners would want to stop and stay in Provo, but when I have take them around... they all LOVE Provo. It has some hipster qualities to it for sure... that is all the rage these days. It's more than that though.

Let's start with the fact that it is beautiful here. There is very little traffic compared to Salt Lake... I mean, I'm extremely lucky to have a 5 minute commute to work. And yes, living next to BYU does bring more opportunities of activities to do here because there is so much talent at that school... you could go to concerts, plays, sports events, education week, time out for women, comedy shows, dance competitions... the list goes on, but this post isn't about that. I wanted to list 10 things that I love about living in Provo that have NOTHING to do with BYU.

*Note, all of these photo's were taken from Google Images - except the Disney Shake it off pic is mine*


#1 - We have the Freedom Festival. It's kind of a big deal. Just Stadium of Fire gets people from all over to Provo to go to the big show and see the headliner in concert. Along with the Stadium of Fire, we have quite the firework show, a 5k & 10k race, a parade and even a hot air balloon festival that all goes along with the event. It's a party.

#2 - We are the only city that now has 2 temples! Crazy right? They even have a race that starts at one temple and ends at the other temple. They are a few miles away from each other. Pretty cool.

#3 - Something that a lot of people don't know about is something called Creative Collaborative. It is a meeting once a month where they invite artists, musicians, successful business owners and other creative successful people to come speak to whoever wants to listen... in hopes to uplift and inspire the people that have come to listen. It's the second Tuesday of every month at the Provo Rec Center (Used to be at the Startup Building) and the best part? It's free!

#4 - YouTube Hopefuls. That is what my friend and I call them. There is a lot of talent in Provo. Everyone is trying to make it big with their own YouTube Channels. If you ever want a chance to be in a YouTube video that will probably go Viral... you will most likely find it in Provo. I can't tell you how many people I know that have YouTube video's that have gone viral. I have been in one! Shake it off - Disney Style. Stewart Edge is another big one in town. He lives near me and we have hung out in groups a couple of times. Studio C... one of them is a good friend of mine. The list goes on... I'm not even surprised anymore when I know someone else who makes a video that goes viral. It's normal here... and not hard to get in on.

#5 - Every summer for the entire month of August, Monday night's after dark you can go to Rock Canyon Park to see free outdoor movies. It's one of my favorite things to do in summer. Something about watching movies outdoors on a blanket in the grass under the stars with a ton of people. It's great...and even more great that it is free.

#6 - The Food Truck Roundup! It's a huge hit here. It goes almost the entire year every Thursday night at the Startup Building. Not only is it fun to go and try new food from the 20 trucks that are lined up there, but it's a fun social event as well. I always run into people that I know. Some Thursday's they even have live music as well. Obviously it is more hoppin in the warmer months, but people love their food trucks enough to go all year.

#7 - Speaking of all year long... I go to Utah Lake all year. It's so close, so I drive over there ALL the time just to watch the sunset. It's one of the best places to watch the sunset in my opinion. I never get tired of it.

#8 - Not all activities are in the Summer. They go all out for the New Year as well. They have a couple different parties. One big one is on Center Street and the Other at the Provo Towne Center. Either way... there is a big party (concerts, games, performers) and there are fireworks.

#9 - All Summer they have the Rooftop Concert Series. It's the first Friday of every month. It used to be on the roof of a parking garage, which was a pretty awesome setting.... but it got too big and they had to block off all of Center Street for the Concert/Party. It is getting big enough that they are getting better headliners too. Last summer's Rooftop Concert Series ended with Kaskade... which was a HUGE party. Have I mentioned how much I love Provo Center Street? It's so charming. Sorry, side note. The Rooftop Concerts have become a huge event that people come from all over for.

#10 - I saved the best for last. My favorite part of living in Provo is being close to Provo Canyon. I could create another list just of fun things to do IN Provo canyon... but I will just name a few. We have 2 beautiful waterfalls, Deer Creek, great fishing, you can go rafting down Provo River, go on some great hikes, it has skiing/snow boarding, at Sundance they have have the Full Moon Ski Lift Ride that you can take during every full moon in summer & fall) they even have a zip line. All in Provo Canyon.

So you see.... when people ask me why I live in Provo... or they tell me there is nothing to do here or Provo isn't that great. I laugh. They just don't know.... but I do. Provo is pretty cool.

Confessions of a Brunette on the Internet 319

Another week. What happened in the life of Tracy. Probably not a whole lot. Let's see...

Friday My managers took me out to lunch and to shop at their favorite boutique "Busy Biddy" which I had never heard of. I love discovering new places though. This place is kind of fun because they have home decor and clothes and shoes. Just a mix match of stuff. I got a couple of things. It was nice to not worry about how long we were gone for the lunch hour because I was with my managers... so it didn't matter. :) It was nice of them to take me and spend time with me getting to know me outside of work.

Friday night... after the fashion show that I modeled in for my friend Josh, I went with my friends Becky and Lindsay to the Best of Humor U show at BYU which our friend Ian was performing in and this other guy in our ward, Drew. Drew actually was my favorite set that night. For being the best of show... I didn't think it was that funny... not as funny as the last show that I went to. It was ok... I mean, I get they are not professional's, but I wish they would think outside of the box with the jokes they tell. Outside of hating on themselves, provo being made up of mostly white people and Mormon jokes. I get that is their audience... but I think there are a lot of everyday stuff that you could joke about. It was still fun to get out and do something.

Saturday I went with Becky and Allison to a free class at REI in Salt Lake about backpacking and packing light. I thought it was pretty interesting and I learned a few things. The guy teaching the class was also pretty entertaining which made it nice. It got us all exciting for our trip to Havasupai this summer that I am organizing. Who knew that I would be the one to organize all of these fun outdoor adventures. If you would have asked me 5 years ago or so... I wouldn't have guessed I would be doing that. People now come to me for outdoor and travel adventures. It's really nice. Back to the class, we all enjoyed it and then spent time looking around at REI. That is a dangerous thing for me. I see all of the awesome new and improved outdoor/camping gear out there and I just want it all. I of course talk sense into myself and don't buy things just to buy things if the stuff I already have works great. I really do have great gear so far.... thanks to dating a mountain man and having him shop with me and help me pick things out. I have had something on my list for a while that I haven't bought because it hasn't been necessary to have so far, but I broke down and bought it while I was there because I will be needing it for backpacking this summer. A camping stove. A tiny compact camping stove. I got a jetboil which is awesome because not only does it boil your water in 3 minutes, but the side changes colors when it is boiled and it has a protective case on it so I won't burn myself... and it is so tiny! I'm excited to use it this summer. I also got some more travel bags to separate my stuff in my backpack and I got a new camping pillow because I never sleep great on mine... it was time to upgrade the pillow. So... I'm excited for my new stuff and I was glad that I went to that class with Becky and Allison. It is nice to have other adventure buddies.

Saturday night Allison and I went to our friend Dallin's wedding reception. I still can't believe how he changed his life and became a new man. He was really over weight, finally decided it was time to make a change and over a year and a half lost 150 lbs or something like that and started dating and fell in love and got married. I'm really proud of him and also really inspired by him. If he can do that, I should be able to be healthy and lose weight AGAIN too right? Right! I'll keep at it. I don't go to weddings much anymore, but Dallin has been a good friend over the last few years, so I went to his. My BFF neighbor (Darrell) was there and said the exact same thing... he doesn't go to weddings anymore either, but for Dallin, we made an exception.

Speaking of diet and exercise. I am gotten WAY too use to eating sugar again. I'm eating it every day again like I was before. Still eating pretty healthy day to day.... but I got to cut out that sugar again. Lisa and I are the same. We both started to struggle at the same time. We are both trying to find motivation to start fresh again. It is hard (for me) when it is so cold. It has been pretty cold this week. I'm going to try and refresh and start strict again on Monday. For some reason it always has to be on a Monday for me... start of a new week I guess. So wish me luck. Other than that... I am still eating healthy, still going to the gym everyday AND I signed up for the 10,000 step challenge at work. So I have been walking after work every day as well. My roommate MacKenzie has been going with me, which has been really nice. However, my jawbone isn't really working anymore which is stupid. I will have to call the company and see if there is a special reboot I can do or something. I don't know, but I have only had it for a little over a year. Seems too soon to be pooping out on me. Anyway... the extra walking has been good for me. I will work my way up to making that walk a run after work.

I have learned a couple of songs on my new ukulele. It's fun. SO much easier than learning the guitar... maybe it's good that I started with the guitar. Anyway... I have only learned a couple of easy songs... like the Lava song as my sister, Jamie suggested. :) Allison talked about bringing hers to Havasupai when we go this summer. Maybe I will bring mine too and we will have a jam session.

I got a new bookshelf off of Amazon. Used the last of my Amazon gift cards that I had from work. It was a $150 bookshelf that I got for $50 after using my gift card. It was easy to put together and I really like the way it looks. It goes well with my style change in the basement living room downstairs. It is a little smaller than my last one, but I think that is a good thing, it is forcing me to go through my stuff and get rid of stuff I really don't want of need anymore. Including books. I have a lot of silly books. I also have a lot of scrapbooks that I made when I was little. One of these days (who knows when) I want to take all of those scrapbooks and scan the pictures and make them all into digital books. It was take up WAY less space and preserve the pictures. Would be nicer too since my scrapbooks are silly. That is a HUGE project though, so who knows when I will actually go that. I still need to make a book from my Philippines trip AND my Brazil trip. I'm a little behind. Oops. Back to my book shelf... as soon as I set up my new one, I wanted to get rid of my old one because it was taking up space. This was at 11:30pm that I wanted it gone. I got on my ward Facebook page and posted that if anyone wanted a free bookshelf to let me know. Within seconds I had 3 people asking about it. So I said, whoever comes to get it first can have it. One of the girls came over right away and when she saw how big it was, realized she was going to need help carrying it so she went across the parking lot to a boys apartment with the lights on and asked them to help move it and they did. From the time I decided I wanted it gone at 11:20pm to 11:50pm it was gone and out of my house. Single living. I was surprised, but not that surprised. I was happy it was gone so fast. Made things easier for me.

Tuesday I went to Creative Collaborative. It has been a long time since I have been. I either have other stuff going on that night or I forget or it's not someone I really care to go see speak. It's once a month every second Tuesday. I get the emails about it every month. I haven't gone since they changed location from the Startup Building to the Provo Rec. It's still free, so that is the important part. Anyway... the reason why I put this one on my calendar and made sure to go is because Brooke White was speaking. A lot of people probably don't really know who she is anymore, but she was on American Idol the season that David Archuleta was on. I watched that season religiously and went to that concert after the show was over. I think I actually only watched one more season of American Idol after that season and then I didn't think it was that great anymore. ANYWAY... Brooke White spoke and it was free and she spoke on overcoming self doubt and insecurities and still being successful and creative. She talked about her own story and how many people doubted her and told her she couldn't do it and how much she doubted herself but she still went for it. She has like 5 albums out, but she doesn't really tour or promote herself... largely because of her insecurities. Anyway... it started late and went WAY long, but I went by myself and I was glad I went. It was inspiring and I always liked her, so it was fun to listen to her talk and sing.

Tonight I went up to Salt Lake to my friend Sarah's shop. I wanted to order a new purse because I LOVE her purses. They are my style...so cute, so original. She is a pretty talented lady. I have amazingly talented friends. It was fun to catch up with her.

Yesterday I went to dance fitness which I have had her just warm up with dance and then we get into weights... anyway, this week I wasn't the only one in class! Hooray. Some guy came. I think he might start coming every week. He seems nice and pretty cool, so that will be a nice change not to be the only one in class.

Remember Mr. Mystery? We never met... and he pretty much broke up with me over text. ha ha. It was one of the weirdest conversation I have had with someone I have never met before. He told me how much he liked me and how attached to me he was and how sad he was to have to say goodbye to me, but I was going to find someone so much better and things got worse with his health and with his grandma and his ex is back in the picture full time now... so he was back with her and deleted his Tinder account. Mmmk.... goodbye mystery man. Who knows if you were ever a real person to begin with. Guess I will never know, but whoever that person was, we did seem to have a lot in common. If only I could find that in real life now.

So from that experience... it inspired me to start watching "Catfish" on Hulu. It's a tv show. This guy was catflished online. He fell in love with this girl online but come to find out she was a totally different person than who she said she was. His brother and friend filmed the entire thing and made a documentary out of it that did really well and tons of people started writing him with their own online stories, so he decided to do a tv show out of it. So each episode he meets up with someone who hasn't met the person they have fallen in love with online and has them meet them. I have watched like 9 episodes so far I think and so far only one person was who they said they were... they just didn't want to meet because they had gained so much weight. Every other person has been pretending to be someone else. The show is SO interesting. It's sad that people are out there doing this, but at the same time, the show is very uplifting because the guys that are making the show are SO positive and are trying to give people on both sides a positive outlook on the experience and kind of play therapist on why they are doing what they are doing and helping them change and grow from the experience. So far... I am totally hooked on the show. I'm still also watching Ally McBeal. I am on the 3rd season. The show is TOTALLY weird. But I'm committed. It's interesting, but I wouldn't say I love it. I'm still trying to figure out why it won awards. Maybe because it was an edgy show at the time? Probably. Pushing the edge seems to win awards. Whatever. I'm more excited about the Catfish show... and staying caught up on all of my other shows. ha ha. There are so many now.

Stacey bailed on Dancing through Utah. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since we don't hang out unless I reach out to him. I can only keep that up for so long. I hate feeling like I am bugging people and I always feel like I'm an inconvenience to him. So now I am trying to figure out if I still do the video and have different people dance with me every place? Or if I do it by myself... which I feel like would be stupid... or I just quite and don't do it even though I was super excited about it. I don't know.

I guess that's it. Another week in the life of Tracy.

Photo of the Week 317

This was one of the sunsets from last week. It's awesome when the colors affect the entire sky instead of just the west. I took this from my back patio. These are the mountains that I get to look at everyday... and I'm pretty happy about the view and living so close to the mountains.

Happy 4th Birthday to Irelyn

Keeping the birthday tradition alive, I drove up to Salt Lake to take Irelyn out for her birthday treat with Aunt Tracy. Just like Reanne, I was a couple of weeks late, but that mostly had to do with her Grandma Di Di being in town. 

Last year, Irelyn wanted frozen yogurt for her birthday treat. This year... she wanted a pink cupcake. She has turned into all things girly. Most Sunday's she comes to my parents house in some princess dress. It's pretty cute.  So I took her to "The Chocolate" to pick out a cupcake. Thank goodness they had a pink cupcake (vanilla with strawberry frosting) otherwise she might have been pretty disappointed. 

She was chatting and climbing everywhere she could find in between taking little bites out of her little cupcake. It's pretty cute to listen to her talk about life and all of her many facial expressions that go along with all of her thoughts and feelings about different things. We had a fun little outing. Happy Birthday Irelyn. You are growing up too fast and I sure love you a lot.

Loneliness

The other day I was on the phone with one of my best friends, Steve. He has been married now for almost 3 years and has a little baby girl and I haven't talked to him since... well, since the baby was a baby. She is now over a year, I'm not even sure. Anyway... while we were chatting he was telling me that he doesn't get any time to himself... which is why we never talk anymore. Just his commute to and from work. That is hard for him.

On the other end of the phone I was thinking... man, I wish I had someone that wanted me to spend all of their time with me. Not that I am that needy and need to spend every minute of every day with someone... but I'm saying I am on the opposite end of the spectrum and feeling quite lonely.

I know that loneliness doesn't go away when you get married. I hear all of the time that married people feel just as lonely if not more so than being single. I have never experienced that, so I don't know what that is like. I only know what my experience has been during my single years.

These last few weeks I have really been feeling the loneliness and it's been hard... hence why I am writing about it. It would probably be more helpful to go to a therapist, but I blog it out instead. It helps sometimes.

I feel like my emotions are like a roller coaster. I have a lot of highs... I feel like I am positive and happy most of the time, which is of course where I like to be at. I know that I have friends and people that love and care about me, but at the drop of a hat... I can feel like nobody cares about me at all, which I know is silly, but I legitimately feel that way. These last couple of weeks I live my normal life and hardly interact with anyone. Things with my roommates had not been great so when I am home I am in the basement by myself. At work, I sit in the corner with my headphones on and don't really talk to anyone all day. An entire day can go by and I will hardly talk to anyone all day long. I realize that this is partially my fault too, but when I start to think that nobody cares, I subconsciously test it... to see if it's true. I distance myself on purpose to see if anyone will notice or care. So when people don't talk to me, I have proven that nobody cares. I completely realize how stupid this is and how stupid it sounds... but this is really what happens inside of my head and I know it's happening and I still let it happen even though I know better.

It is very important for me to have friends and to connect to people on a deep level. It's hard to find friends that connect back. When I find them... I really latch on. Not in a needy way, but I care deeply for those people and would do anything for those people. Because I care so deeply, I am easily hurt. I feel rejected easily. For example... to add to my loneliness and sadness, my "Dancing through Utah" project fell through. He backed out. Deep down I kind of knew he would, but for some reason it still stung when he did it. I get so excited about things... but it wasn't even that. I looked at it as a fun project to do together... that will not only be fun, but be an excuse to spend time together and bond... like our trip to Brazil. I now consider him a very close friend. So when he backed out and said he just wants to veg at home when he isn't working. In my brain he isn't just saying I don't want to do the project, he is saying... I don't want to spend my free time with you. Which may or may not be true, but that is what I read out of the situation because it isn't a time consuming project. So then I feel rejected and I question... should I consider someone that doesn't really want to spend time with me when it isn't convenient a good friend? Someone who I'm afraid I'm bugging them every time I text them? Someone who doesn't reach out to me to see how I am doing or spend time with me for weeks at a time? That is just one example. Then that process spirals to ... what is it about me that makes me such an inconvenience as a friend? Am I not an enjoyable person to spend your free time with? So on and so forth. I do have some great friends that I know are there for me no matter what and have been for years, but they aren't in my current circle... so as great as it is to have them in my life, they can't physically be there for me. They are married, they are in a different state, etc..  Lolly is the best example of great friends in my life. I actually text her today needing encouragement with this loneliness I am feeling and she text back right away and was there to talk and support me in whatever way that I needed. She is the best. I just wish there were more friends like her. I feel like when you are an older single, people just don't want to invest in friends like they did when they were younger. I'm not talking acquaintance friends... I'm talking real friends like Lolly. It's tough because those are the type of friends that I need. At least a couple of them anyway.

On top of that, I'm not dating. I have gone on dates here and there, but really... I rarely get asked out. I'm surrounded all day everyday at work by married people. I wonder how in the world I will ever meet someone. Every year that goes by seems more hopeless. Then thoughts go to... I'm never going to find someone and I won't get the opportunity to have kids. Then thoughts lead to... why doesn't anyone want me? I always thought I would make a great wife and mother, I feel like I have a lot to offer, but maybe that isn't what is seen on the outside. I don't know how other people look at me. I seek validation from men online in the wrong ways that are not even helpful to me in the end. I try to fill the void in different ways. The thoughts that go through my head about myself when I'm feeling this way can be pretty nasty. I hate it. I don't want to view myself that way. I always lecture other people never to view themselves that way. I would never talk to someone else the way I talk to myself. Why do I do it?

Then one day I will feel love from someone in some way and it is enough to snap me out of this dark place that I go. *Don't think that I get depressed or ever want to kill myself because it never even get's close to that... I just get in this bad funk that is hard to get out of sometimes so I watch a lot of tv so that I can get involved in another world instead of facing my own* and then everything is back to my normal happy self... until something happens (or a a lot of somethings happen) that makes me feel that deep loneliness again, then you just have this post on repeat.

Right now... I'm lonely. I wish I had more friends that wanted to spend time with me and really cared. In the meantime, I will try harder to make more of an effort towards other people and try not to slip into the deep dark pit of depression when I get rejected. I have really been missing my Grandma a lot these last couple of weeks. Not only because I miss going to visit her but she also made me feel like the most special person in the world. I could use some of that.