A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Thursday, May 15, 2014

Confessions of a Brunette on the Internet 220

What is Love?

Of course there are different kinds of love. What I want to talk about is the falling in love kind. I think I have experienced it before, but sometimes I'm not sure. How do you know when you are falling in love with someone? Maybe there is not an answer because it is different for everyone, but I feel like there is.

I think TV and movies have given us a very romanticized expectation of what love it supposed to be... but then look at Hollywood. How many of those marriages last? Not many. So what is love? The kind that lasts. Does it need to be head over heels all consuming love? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that is how it works.

Do I think that love needs to have chemistry and passion? Absolutely, but I don't think that is what makes you love a person, I think it just helps bond the love. I don't think that same passion that you have in the beginning lasts forever, but I don't think that means you are not in love anymore, nor do I think it has to go away... it just might take more effort to maintain than it does in the beginning.

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness"

Maybe I have it all wrong, but I think love comes with time and experience. I think love is when you think about the other person more than yourself. You think about what you can do together instead of just what you want to do. I think love is being willing to make big sacrifices for the other person. I think love is when the other person's happiness affects your happiness. I think love is being able to know all sides (good and bad) of a person and still wanting to be with that person because you accept them for exactly who they are and realize that the good outweighs the bad and that nobody is perfect. I think love is when you enjoy spending time with that person above anyone else and you couldn't imagine not spending time with that person anymore. I think the person you fall in love with should be your best friend. The person you want to share everything with and the first person you think of to tell things to (good or bad). Love is finding someone that brings out the best in you. Love is knowing someone isn't going to run away when things get hard

When I think of love, I think of moving far away from anyone you know and being out of your comfort zone because your husband got a new job. I think of a wife gaining weight and looking tired and haggard from children and her husband thinking she is even more beautiful because she sacrificed her body and brought their child into the world. I think of women who spend many months a lone because their husbands jobs. I think of people loving their spouses through depression and other things they didn't think they signed up for in the beginning. I think of taking care of someone when they are sick... even though it isn't fun or what you really want to do. I think of sticking by each other's side and being supportive no matter what comes your way... you work it out together. The list could go on and on.

Why am I thinking about this?

I don't believe that we have a soulmate. I do believe that some people are better matches for us than others and that you should find someone that matches well with you. During my dating years, I feel like I have found several guys that I match well with. I think that I even fell in love with a few of them. However... I'm starting to think there is some deficiency in my personality that repels men away from me. Guy's are attracted to me. I didn't always believe that... because there was a time that I struggled with my self esteem and to this day it is not often that guys ask me out. However... when I started doing online dating and Tinder and such.... I realized that many guys are attracted to me. I also know that guys think I'm fun and laid back and really like spending time with me. Something about me makes them not want to date me long term or fall in love with me.... but then they don't really ever want me out of their lives either. Soo...... I don't get it. Are they waiting for the heavens to open and tell them that I am the one?

Before you think that I am depressed or something... let me just tell you that I'm not. I don't think there is anything wrong with me. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I really like who I am and I know how much I have to offer and how much love I am ready to give. I would do anything for the people I love. I think the guy that marry's me will be lucky. Why don't the guys see what I see? Or maybe I am missing something about myself that I need to change or improve on. I'm not sure. I wish I knew. I feel like I open up my heart easily... which also means I get hurt easily as well. I don't know if I am better off because of that or not.  How do you know you are in love?

Are guys not giving me a chance? Or have I just not found the right one yet? Or do people just have unrealistic expectations of what love really is and what makes it last?

I'm not sure. Insight and advice is welcome.


Katie Houston said...

I wrote my response to this on my blog! Loved your thoughts.

Lynette Mills said...

I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age, but I didn't have your trials. I admire who you have become and for my two cents ... I don't get the young single adult male these days!

Logan said...

I think with most guys, it's a combination of fear and laziness. They want the benefits of your company and awesomeness without putting forth the efforts to expose themselves emotionally and face the risks of being hurt that come with it.

jamie hixon said...

I think your thoughts on what love is are spot on. I have no idea why nobody has decided to snap you up yet... it is totally their loss. You are going to be such a great wife and mom someday.

One thought I'm having is that you are very extroverted and maybe a lot of the single guys out there are introverted. Maybe your awesome busy lifestyle makes them tired? That is pretty much the only thing I can think of.