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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Mr. Hot Tub

Like many other innocent girls, I have been a victim of MANY bad dates. Growing up, you hear about people going on really bad dates, you see it on TV, but you never think you will attract the type of weirdo that will take you on one of these dates. Growing up in Santa Barbara, I never experience a bad date, I also didn't date much but the dates that I did go on were pretty normal. After moving to Utah, within the first 6 months I experience the date I am about to share with you. Of course after this one, little did I know that there would be MANY more dates like this to come, like this one and this one. So many in fact it made me think... what am I doing wrong here? I am just a nice girl that is trying to do the right thing. I feel like I am pretty normal, why do I attract weirdo's? Maybe so I would appreciate the good men so much more when they came along? Maybe it is because God knows I have a good sense of humor and can handle it? Well, after time, that is exactly what I tried to do with all of my experiences. Find the humor in it. I started a journal and titled it "The Practical Girl's Field Guide to the North American Man". I one day hope to publish it in hopes to make other girls out there feel better about their dating lives and know they are not a lone. In fact, this journal is not just my experiences, but other friends of mine as well. Every time a friend vents to me about something along these lines... I tell her to write it in the journal and to read the other entry's to feel better. Of course everyone has left the names out so that I can indeed have it published one day. :o) I have another friend that has had so many weird/bad/scary experiences that she started a blog to write about her stories. It is quite funny if you ever want to give it a read. On to my story....

February 2004

My first year living in Utah, I lived at a place called "The Heather Cove" which my friends and I called "The Heather Crap" because that is how we felt about our housing. My good friend and neighbor, Monica and I loved to go hot tubing. Her cousin, Melissa, lived just across the street at "The Colony". They have a hot tub. We decided one weekend in the cold winter that we would go use the hot tube and eat pizza. I don't remember why I couldn't go over right away with them, but I later met them there at the hot tub. I was there for about 5 minutes when they decided they were done and left. I had not been there for very long, so I decided to stay a little longer even though I would be by myself in the hot tub. I was not a lone for long. In walks DeVon (I know that sounds like a black guys name, but he was a white guy from Canada). He started talking to me and starting small chat. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so I chatted with him. Little did I know HOW much he liked to talk. And the longer we talked, the closer he got to me in the hot tub. I would always make sure I kept a safe distance from him. He was a stranger after all. I kept trying to leave as other people would come and leave the hot tub, but he had me trapped as he kept talking and talking. Finally in the early hours of the morning and very pruney skin later.... I finally told him I needed to go home. He tried to convince me to drive with him to In and Out that night (closest one at the time being in Vegas) but I refused. He also tried to make me promise him that next time he or I went to California that we would promise to take each other. Once again, answer was no. I was going that Valentines weekend and there was no chance I would promise to take him with me. He told me he would walk me to my car. I let him. Of course he had to first get my number and then brag to me that he can fix computers AND cars... so if I ever need help to give him a call. Finally... free.

The next day I get a call from DeVon. Again... he talks and talks, mostly about himself and everything I will find out about him as I get to know him (assuming we are going to be spending lots of time together). He asked me out for Monday to go see the movie "The Testament" at Temple Square. I almost always say yes to a first date and give the guy the benefit of the doubt. You never know right? Well... I don't know if that was the right choice.

Monday night he comes to pick me up in his big truck. He wanted to take me out to dinner, but I had told him I already had plans with my roommate. So off to SLC we went. We did not get very far before he pulled over and rolled up his sleeves and popped the hood of his car like something was wrong (which there wasn't). Was he trying to prove to me that he was a manly man? Who knows. I was more annoyed than impressed. After figuring out there was nothing wrong with his car, which I already knew... he asked if we could go visit his buddy in SLC that he doesn't get to see much. Umm sure? Ok, lets go hang out with your best friend. So we get to his friends house.
DeVon: "Hey guys, I wanted to stop by because I really wanted you guys to meet Tracy"
Best Friend: "Tracy so nice to meet you, where are you from?" giving me a smirk thinking there is something going on between DeVon and I.
Me: Trying not to laugh "So does DeVon take all of his FIRST dates to come meet you?"
DeVon to best friends wife: "Can I please hold your new baby? I LOVE babies, I can't wait to have kids of my own"
This date was just getting more awkward and I didn't see it improving anytime soon.

Walking to the theater...
DeVon: "Tracy, are your hands cold? I could keep them warm for you if you want."
Me: "Thanks, but they are nice and warm in my pockets"
DeVon: "Just to warn you, I can get emotional with spiritual movies"
Me: "Thats ok, I can too, I think that is normal"

Late to the movie and about 5 or 10 minutes into it, he is crying. Not like a couple tears coming down his face, like loud sniffling crying at the same time as trying to get closer to me. It was too dramatic for me. After the movie is over and he is wiping the last few tears from his eyes, he asks me if I want to walk around Temple Square together. Seeing as I only see couples doing that holding hands and it is freezing outside, I decline. So he says he will take me home. Too bad we are in SLC and that drive is going to take at least 45 minutes. Wondering how the conversation went? Let me give you some of the highlights....

DeVon: "You know, if we end up dating each other, it will be really weird"
Me: "Umm... why?"
DeVon: "Because I move really fast and you move really slow. I am not used to dating girls that move so slow"
Me: "It is not that I am a slow mover, I just happen to not feel that comfortable with you... since I just met you"
DeVon: "You know, I'm really good at reading people, but I can't read you. It makes me interested in you even more"
Me: No comment, was not about to tell him what I was thinking
DeVon: " Do you want to know why I asked you out?"
Me: "Um ok?" aka Do I have a choice?
DeVon: "Well, first, you are so fascinating to me. I feel like I could talk to you forever. Second, you are a very beautiful woman" What are you doing this summer?"
Me: "I'm going home to Santa Barbara"
DeVon: "Well, how can you plan for that? You don't know what can happen between now and then."
Me: "True, I can't. But although it is February, I have nothing that is stopping me from going home this summer"
DeVon: "I'm really ready to get married. How about you?"
Me: "I'm really not ready to get married yet. I just turned 21"
DeVon: "Tracy, nobody thinks they are ready to get married until they meet the right one. You should have more of an open mind".
Me: "Right, well... I have not met the right one yet".
DeVon: "Since you didn't let me buy you dinner, at least let me buy you hot chocolate"

As we are in line to get hot chocolate.... He won't stop staring at me.....
DeVon: "There was anther reason why I asked you out. "
Me: "Ok..."
DeVon: "You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. So.... did you have enough fun tonight that I could take you on a second date?"
Me: AAAHHHHH!!! "Umm.... sure?...." **Why is it so hard for me to say no?**

FINALLY after 5 of the longest hours of my life, I am home. He walks me to the door. I am about to open the door and just walk in while I waved goodbye, but I look behind me and DeVon is standing there with open arms waiting for me to give him a hug. I give him a quick hug and say thank you and goodnight!

Since he was in Melissa's ward, he asked her about me. She told him he didn't have a chance with me and he finally stopped calling me. Bless his heart. I hope he found someone to marry. Sorry this was so long. It is all the little details that make it funny. Hopefully you got a good laugh out of this.... if you read the whole thing.

8 comments:

Tami Rivera said...

Hahaha! Tracy, I did have a good laugh! How uncomfortable for you and weird! Hopefully he found um...what he was looking for?(A girl ready to be engaged on the first date?) The best part was when he stopped to check out his car. He was obviously trying REALLY hard to impress you. You do have beautiful eyes though! I would enjoy reading your clever book. I love the title!

THE LIZARD'S said...

You are SO FUNNY!!! LOL.. oh, man I remember you telling me about this guy and it's still funny to me. He is all like Lets Get Married and its like uh...what is your name again? and the car thing was TOO HILARIOUS...some guys dont try hard enough and then about 2% overkill!!! dating is like a crazy gamble every time you say "yes" to a date.

Bethany and Shanam said...

Ah...the joys of dating. It brought back LOTS of memories! What a great idea to keep a journal like that!

Holly said...

awesome. i've got to start writing down my crazy dating stories...although i don't think any of mine can match this one.

politicchic6 said...

A few comments. 1- I lived in Heather Cove and hated it. I also hated The Colony. Those colony hot tubbers were in my ward at the time. 2- At first I thought this guy's name was just plain Devon, spelled pretentiously. Apparently it was DeeeVawn (phonetic spelling?).
3- I put some of my classy dating stories in your book. Oh the agony. And I am sure I could come up with a few more.

jamie hixon said...

Ok, that is very funny. Poor guy.
I think I have only contributed one thing to that book. But I've got more the next time I see it. I still remember my most awkward dates.

Caytlin said...

That's HILARIOUS. When you said DeVon, I pictured DeVerl (super awkward guy) from "The Singles Ward", which made me cringe even more! Sick. Utah definitely has some creepy guys.

B said...

We all know you have many more stories that you need to share. Do you plan on including any from the other gender? I can think of a couple myself.