A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Confessions of a Brunette on the Internet 105

My sister Lori and her cute family have been in town this week. Although I work full time and have not been able to spend as much time with them as I would like... it has been really fun to have them here. I really love spending time with my family and especially my sisters. I have a special love for my sisters. I could not ask for more beautiful, talented, loving, supportive sisters than the ones I have.

Since I have finally been able to watch LOST on my own... I am now almost done. I got through the 4th season in 2 days, the 5th season in about a week and now I have started the 6th season (the last season). I am almost done and I am excited but also kind of sad. I guess I will have to find a new series to get into after this one is over. It sure makes the time go by faster at work. I feel like I am super productive when I multi-task. Anyway, my sister Jamie told me to let her know when I got to the last season of LOST because she would send me to a blog of someone who had never watched LOST before and then started watching on the last season and did a blog post each episode and wrote what was going on from what they could understand (which is not a lot considering I'm confused and I have been watching from the beginning. It is pretty hilarious. If you have watched and have never heard of this blog and want to check it out... you can go here.

I have come to realize some things this week. #1- I wish Target was closer (or maybe I don't) because they have a lot of cute stuff there and would shop there more if it were a little closer. #2- I have no motivation to go to work when I know only 2 people are going to be there. #3- I'm more okay with skipping Institute these days because Institute is just not as good as it used to be. #4- I am not that into country music and even though I am a superstar when it comes to knowing music, I'm really not when it comes to country. #5- Valentines Day is just a day and I survived it again just fine. #6- Zumba is a lot less fun for me when the majority of the music played is Latin. #7- Guys don't hate bangs as much as I thought they did (or maybe they are just too nice to tell me). #8- Alex told us he is leaving Novell for another job and not only is everyone sad, but I think it is going to be hard to fill that void. I don't notice how attached I get to my co-workers until they are leaving. #9- When I am with Tara... it is easier for me to approach and talk to guys at WalMart than Institute. #10- No matter how well I know a person... every time I hear someone tell me they are getting a divorce, it makes me sad and tears me up inside.

Tonight I had a heart to heart with a friend. It was a sad heart to heart, but really good at the same time. I finally got to say a lot of things that I had been wanting to say to this person for a while. Even though I finally got to say everything that I wanted to this person... it was sad because I know my relationship with this person will never be the same. It also made me realize that I have a lot of things to work on. I like to blame everything on the guys... but it is my fault too that I am not married I think. I think when I was engaged, I was doing the things that I was supposed to and so was he and so the beginning of our relationship was really great. Then he started to go off the path... but I didn't. I was still doing what I was supposed to, even better than normal actually, but because he wasn't... he didn't deserve me anymore. Well... it goes the other way around. I am not doing everything that I should right now. It is hard for me to admit that because I feel like I lead a good life and I get comfortable because I think everything is fine, but I need to work on the little things that make a difference... and because I am not doing the things that I am supposed to, I attract the crappy guys that want to take advantage of me. So in my head, I think they are all like that. However, that is not fair. They are NOT all like that. Those just happen to be the guys that I am attracting right now because of how I am living my life right now. This person I was having the heart to heart with didn't tell me this, but I had the realization during our talk. It really made me sad, probably because I was so disappointed in myself. I don't want to become a bitter man hater. I'm trying really hard not to. As much as this heart to heart was not an easy talk to have, I am glad we had it. It really helped me see things in the way I should have been viewing them all along. I just have to remember that I am worth more than I give myself credit for and that I can't give up on men. There has GOT to be a good one out there for me.


jamie hixon said...

Tracy, if I were a man, and not your sister... ok, nevermind that is gross. But for real, you are so awesome in so many ways. You will find a man. I'm glad you had that heart to heart too.

Jealous that you are hanging out with Lori and her fam. Also, I am jealous of her because she gets to hang out with you. Jealous all around.

I'm glad you like the blog. The illustrations are the BEST and I love it when he talks about guy-liner man. HA!

jamie hixon said...

PS You have totally cracked down on your word verification! It's like "type these 5 blurry words made up of wingdings and chinese characters." It takes a while to crack the code.

T-Ray said...

Jamie, I think it is doing that to everyone now because I have had to do that on other people's blogs

Lynette Mills said...

I really dislike the word verification!!!!!!
Your confession on the other hand was pretty inspiring.

Lori said...

Tracy, you are beautiful and wonderful & I'm glad that I got to hang out with you for the time off you had. I'm also proud of you for taking a hard situation and finding what you needed out of it and grow. I think you are exactly right, and you WILL find that special someone!

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