Frustrated

I feel like people get engaged, married, pregnant and have babies in phases... it always happens all at once. Or maybe it just feels like that to me because I have so many Facebook friends.

I'm not one that spends a ton of time on Facebook. I try not to let what I see on Facebook affect me... I'm aware that you are usually just seeing everyone's best and you can't compare your worst to everyone else's best and make that a fair judgement or comparison of each others lives. If I have been hurt by someone and seeing stuff from that person in my Facebook feed makes me sad or frustrated I unfollow them so their stuff will not show up in my feed. I have actually done that a lot. I never regret it because if it makes me sad, I shouldn't torture myself by having to continue to see it and have it continue to make me sad. However, I feel like it is dramatic to delete them as friends, so it's a perfect solution for me.

So lately I have had a lot of people I know getting engaged. A few of them were guys that I have gone out with and were interested in me at one point or another. When I see people get engaged and married via Facebook... a part of me is happy. Obviously I want people to find love and be happy because everyone deserves that. It also gives me hope that people are still wanting to get married and it does happen... so maybe it will happen for me?

On the other hand... every time another one shows up on my Facebook feed.... it makes me sad. Really sad. Sad that everyone around me seems to be finding love and not me. Why can't I find it? Why don't I have any guys making me feel special or fighting for me. No No... instead I get the guys that I meet and will talk to me everyday and tell me how pretty I am and take me out until they get the kiss... then they never talk to me again. That is what I get. So yeah, I get sad because I'm jealous. I see all of these other people that have what I want. It's kind of pathetic. I should just be happy that other people are happy. And I am... but at the same time I'm not, and I feel like a horrible person for that.

I also feel terrible that I feel sorry for myself for being single and lonely when I have so many other things that are so great about my life. I feel bad that I get so down about being single and lonely when I know other people that struggle with harder and a lot worse things than what I am going through. However, I have always been an honest person who wears my heart on my sleeve. It is what it is and I can't help it. I try to make the best out of my situation, but I would be lying to you if I told you that it wasn't hard and I didn't hate it and would do anything to change it.

One day I hope it doesn't bother me anymore. ONE DAY I hope it is me on the Facebook feed announcing that I am engaged. Maybe one day....