A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Monday, January 31, 2011

Mr. Internet

In Mormon culture, when you are single and hit the age of 25, many people start to worry about why you are not married. Every time you go home to visit or see someone that you have not seen in a long time... one of the first questions you are asked is if you are dating someone. When the answer is no, the next question is Why not? When you tell them you just have not found the right guy yet, many times what they say next is..... "Well, have you tried the Internet?". I HATE this. I know it shouldn't bother me.... but it does. I feel like resorting to the Internet for dating is like you are giving up and are desperate and that is your only option left if you want to get married. However, I know that it does work for some people. I know personally of some success stories.

That being said, I actually do have an account on a singles site. I will admit it. Most people that meet people online are pretty secret about it and don't want others to know.... but more people are searching online than you think. I have met very FEW guys that have contacted me online. I don't search out guys I just have an account and go through phases with checking it to see if anyone has written me. Most of the guys either are super weird/ awkward which is why they are doing most of their dating online OR I get the guys that just want to make out with me.... which is why some people have given the site the nick name of "LDS Hook Up". Either way.... I'm usually not interested and don't write back. I hardly attract normal guys with my profile. Then again.... this is what I have as my profile picture, so maybe I don't really take it seriously.

So.... moving on to "Mr. Internet". For this post, he is not one guy, but Mr. Internet is representing many guys that have written me over the last few months. I have been collecting the good ones to share with you.

The first experience I will tell you about.... because I didn't copy it. The rest I will copy and paste as they were written to me. This first experience is back in the day when I used MySpace (which I didn't use for dating, but would get hit on every once in a while). One day, I had received an email from a guy. He didn't have a picture posted and the email just said something like "I think your cute and you seem fun. Check out my profile and see what I have to offer and let me know if you are interested". I am of course curious, so I look at his profile. His profile says that he is Mormon, in shape and making good money. His profile ALSO said that he was in his 40's and he was happily married with children. What the what? Why is he writing me? I then read his profile where he explains that his wife doesn't know that he is online and he doesn't want to hurt anyone... he just wants to have a little fun when he is out. I'm totally disgusted of course and don't reply. He writes me again. "Did you read my profile? I would love to have a good time with you and I would be willing to pay you for your time". SICK!!!! Which part of my profile says that I am a prostitute!? Oh... I'm pretty sure it doesn't. What about my profile makes me look like I would even be slightly interested in that you creep! You better believe I was offended. You also better believe that I wrote him back and told him off and how terrible he was being and eventually his wife would find out. I think soon after that he deleted his profile... not to say he didn't try to continue his creepiness.  That was my ultimate worst experience.

Here are some messages that I have gotten from different guys lately.....

#1- How's Provo? I'm sure you're freezing your keister off. ALthough, even here in the CA front... it's still pretty darn chilly. 
Oh, BTW, I'm not bipolar. 
Maybe a little OCD, but not bipolar. 

#2- Kiss me with your potato chip lips.. ;) 

#3- How is today l guess cool.you are very beautiful.can we be friend.hoping to hear from you soon.

#4- Quack Quack.

#5- i will dig it..cuz real men have gardens!

#6- Can I take chips from your lips? Just kidding. don't mind it.
You know? Your smile can give happiness to many people. I feel that we can be good friends. How do you feel? 

#7 - Hey Tracy!!! Happy new year, can I ask, and don't mean to scare you but I was just wondering if I was to come to utah, would you like to perhaps do something together?

#8-  I wanna kiss your lips.. i mean your pringles muah muah muah

#9- I hope you don't mind me sending you a message. I wanted to introduce myself and let you know I really enjoyed your profile. My name is ____ and I recently moved to Salt Lake City from Texas for grad school at the U of U. I work in West Jordan as a social worker for a domestic violence shelter house.

How goofy do you get in public? I'm guilty almost everytime I go to Target or Wal-Mart of being quite crazy, its like I say, insanity is the only freedom left in a sane world gone mad. 

I hope to hear back from you, hopefully I did a good enough job of sparking your interest. I guarantee I'm a good guy. You're probably thinking that you've heard that before, but did it ever come with a Texas Guarantee?

#10-  Hey Tracy how are you? how's things my darling, what have you been upto? do you think I could borrow a broom so I can sweep you off your feet? If I was to come to utah what would you say?

#11- Ooooo.... I love it when I get messages like these. 

What's up cutie? Just wanted to say hi. Don't be shy! I think you're pretty fly. I'm a nice guy. Maybe you should give me a try? Why ask why? Try bud dry! lol. Come on baby! I won't ever cheat, control you or lie. Just wanna be loved before I die! Ok I've rambled enough, Now I'll just say goodbye. P.S. You have pretty eyes. :)

Now for my 2 top favorite / weirdest emails I have received!!

#12 - I am ___ a model and director .. i will tell u a little secret b4 i start i am a very romantic man ...i
love to make my woman feel wanted ...ok..i do a little of model grooming too....i like painting..pics of those i love
mostly ...i also writs poems and quotes for commercial purposes .........i am 40 years old and i have a son ...his
name is james....i lost my wife in a car crash and things have not remained the same since then.....i will tell u this
u are really an angel and thats why i am taking this time out to appreciate what the good LORD has sent my way.i have taken time to view ur pics over and over again ,,,,and i have also read through ur profile say 10 times and thats why im taken this medium to reach u ...i have a lot to say about
myself...............Hmmm, describe myself? Let's see.... I am genuine, loyal, honest, trustworthy, truthful,
committed, funny, loving (my hearts as big as Texas), I believe in dating/being committed to only one
woman---which makes me a one woman man, I'm confident, I also enjoy working in my yard,
swimming, spending time with my son, fishing, boating, shooting pool (though I will admit----I'm not
too good), throwing darts (been quite a while since I've done this---I do still enjoy it), firing up the grill,
spoiling that special woman in my life, flirting with and teasing that special woman in my life, also
completely and totally satisfying my woman, horse back riding, vacationing in the mountains, riding
four wheelers, jet-skiing, also enjoy spending quiet evenings at home and cuddling up with my
special man watching a movie, listening to music or just wrapping up my woman up in my arms
talking. I know these things don't make me different but these are some of the things I enjoy. I enjoy
the simple things life has to offer. You should never take a relationship for granted, always enjoy the
relationship because the two of you are together and potentially are looking to start a new life
together, not because of any material things you may derive from the relationship. Material things
don't mean a thing if you don't have someone you love to share and enjoy them with., though i am
very new on this site ..........and thats why i will like to leave here pretty soon .......remember i wouldn't want to remain here for too long ...i need a serious relationship .....a woman with values and respect for her man ........and i will treat her like my queen forever and ever .....i also will be happy if u will add me to ur yahoo messenger .....

AND Last but not least....

#13- I left my sweetheart many years ago in the premortal existence and promised to marry her in this mortal life.She is beautiful.She is loving,down to earth,full of spirit,enduring,she has charity,she is caring,she is always thinking of me,she want me to be there always for her and forever.I promised her that I will love her forever and known else.She is so inviting and holds me always as her treasured pearl.She is God fearing and has the testimony of the gospel.I love her like my life.I promised to take her to the temple. SO ARE YOU THE ONE? have a wonderful evening. 

And now you know why I don't date guys from the Internet. Just Sayin. I DO want to know which one was your favorite though.


mjfin22 said...

Oh my hilarious!! #9 didn't sound too bad, although I would never want to go into Wal-mart with him! I am also going to guess what English was not some of these guys first language. I love the stories you have!

Darrell said...

wow. wow. That's all I have to say.

Jacob Barlow said...

I was wondering if I'd be on the list! :)

Lynette Mills said...

ha ha ha... great post Tracy! Janet Watson told me about it today when she called on the phone. She absolutely loves reading your blog!

Bre said...

haha gotta love it. I agree...I think you should give #9 a try. He sounded somewhat normal....somewhat.....

jamie hixon said...

Ok, this kind of makes me a little bit sad for these guys. Some of them sounds normal, and some not so much. I think the myspace experience is SO messed up and freaky. Reminds me of the guy in Alicia's neighborhood that used to drive by us with hundred dollar bills in his fists and telling us to get in the car.

Desiree' said...

The real question is if you responded to any of these men. I'm so sorry. I always HATED the internet too. Reading your posts reminded me of the anxiety of internet "dating". Yikes.
And to answer your question I thought #8 was funny.

Abby Wright said...

Uh I remember those days. #3 is my favorite because he clearly is foreign:)

Tessa and Adam said...

For REAL?! These guys are hilarious! my favorite is the first email you put in. He likes to totally and completely satisfy his woman.....LOL!! Who the heck writes this? Glad you didn't follow up with that one. :)

THE LIZARD'S said...

what in the world!??!?!?!?!? what ever happened to ..hi, my name is ... and I think you are cute. can I email you and get to know you more?

Des said...

oh. my. god!

what the hell is wrong with people?!?!? lol where did they come from? who are their parents?

I will never understand. I am newly single and I fear dating ever again lol

Kayleigh said...

I kept leaving this blog unread in my Reader because I had a really good comment to leave... Until I forgot it!

But I just have to say... YIKES!!!