A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Confessions of a Brunette on the Internet 125

Right now I am typing while sitting on my comfy bed with the white christmas lights shinning through my sheer white curtain and with the window cracked slightly open so that I can listen to the rain. I love it. Boy did we need this rain too. The whole state was practically on fire. I can't remember this many fires here in a VERY long time.

Last week was quarter end and it was my turn to stay late on Friday. Always a bummer and killer to your social life. People kept texting me and asking me when I was going to be getting off and such. It is hard when you don't even know what time you will get off. Can't leave until they tell you can. I ended up getting home around 11pm. Makes for a long day, but at least I get paid overtime. It was also nice that I had some friends waiting to hang out with me when I get home. Then it didn't seem like I was completely cheated of my Friday night.

This week has been so busy that I can't even remember everything that I have done. I guess they will come in later blog posts. I do know that Tuesday night I went to karaoke at Applebees. Sang my heart out... it was such a funny night. I will have to get ahold of some pictures and video and do a separate post on it... it was that funny.

4th of July seemed to come out of nowhere. This summer is just flying by. I didn't even have any plans until the day of. It was a good day though. I slept in, spent the day with family and friends and good food and of course lots of fireworks. Love Independence day. Love my country and the freedom I have here. I am truly blessed.

I had to watch the Bachelorette by myself this week. Usually I make fun of it with my friends, or re-watch the date with the puppet show with funny One F Jef  times.... but this time, I totally cried. I'm such a baby. I have always loved Arie, but my friend's good friend One F Jef wrote Emily this letter that brought my to tears because it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard and all I want is for someone to love me enough that they would write me a letter like that. Seriously. I'm pathetic I know.... but a girl just wants to be loved.

I have been thinking a lot about people lately. A lot of scattered thoughts but hopefully I can bring them all together and have them make sense. I have been thinking about people in my life and how they treat me and how I treat others. I'm really sensitive, so I know that I can be hurt by others really easily, but something I have been learning and trying really hard to do more and more is that even when I am hurt, to not assume and take out my feelings and treat people differently. I try really hard to keep happy and positive and try to ignore the hurt feelings because it is not worth being mad at the way others act. However, it has become really hard at times with some people in my life and sometimes I feel because they keep treating me a certain way, maybe I am not doing as good of a job as I think I am with the way I treat people... otherwise why would people feel the need to ignore me and not talk to me and push me to the side when all I am trying to do is be nice? I'm not sure. I feel like we are all old enough that this really shouldn't be a problem... but maybe this is something that never goes away with age. I think of people who I admire and want to be more like. I can pick out certain things about that person that makes them amazing and that I want to try and be more like, but why is that so hard to just change yourself to do it? What a wonderful world this would be if everyone was trying this hard to be so positive and forgiving and not assume. I think my family is pretty great at this... this is why there is little drama in my family and I love it. I have learned a lot from my family and so proud to be a part of it. You know how there are some people who are older and not married... and you know exactly why they are not married? Well, I never thought I was one of those people, but maybe I am and I just need someone who knows to tell me what I am doing wrong? I don't know. I think about what people think about me. What kind of impression I leave on people? Am I the person that people are always gossiping about (in a bad way) or do people think I'm nice and fun. Do people think I'm vain and all I care about is myself because I am single? Do people know me well enough to know who I am and what I stand for? I hope so... I ran into this person that knows someone else I know. We were talking about our mutual friend and church came up and that person said they didn't even know our mutual friend was a member. How sad! I hope that is something people know about me. I hope that people would know that I would NEVER mean to hurt their feelings on purpose. I don't seek revenge. It is quite the opposite. I try really hard to put my hurt feelings aside and stay positive and happy. I am trying not to have bad feelings with anyone. I am totally guilty of judging people before I got to know them and deciding that I didn't like them... and with every person that I have done that to, I was proven wrong. Now I stand up for them. Why do we do that? Just to have something to talk about? Wouldn't things be so much nicer if you just liked everyone. Doesn't mean you have to be their best friend, but I like to have good thoughts about everyone. When friendships go sour I try to fix them... even if it is a year after the fact. So why do people have a problem with me when I try so hard to be this way? Jealousy? Am I annoying? Am I intimidating? I don't know... when someone figures it out will they please tell me so that my mind can be put to rest? In the meantime I'm trying not to care, but that is a pretty hard thing for a blue personality to do. I try to show the people in my life that I care about them, but I really do hope that I show it enough that they know.


Kristy said...

I'm a little biased, but I think you are a wonderful person. I know no one is perfect, but I think you have grown a lot over the last few years that I have lived close to you. I think it is impressive that you look inward as well as outward when you look at problems you face. Keep on doing what you know is right and everything will work out. You're awesome Tracy. I love you.

jamie hixon said...

I am biased as well, but you are a pretty amazing girl. That first paragraph sounded like part of a book or a poem or something.
I guess when your work takes you to see movies and stuff, you can't get too worked up about working late occasionally. Especially if you are getting paid overtime. Win-win.
Karaoke. I did some of that on the cruise ship. The system was terrible, so everything sounded bad. I can't wait for some footage.
I can't stand shows like the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. But different strokes...
Our lesson in primary today was about being kind. I think people forget to be kind. Or maybe they forget how to be kind. I don't know, but it is a good reminder.

Lil Lizzie said...

my first impression of you? this chick is awesome...with awesome stories and an exciting life...maybe we can be blog friends :) 2nd impression of you (once I actually got to know you)? wow, this girl is not only fun but a really thoughtful person and a true friend. you've been a blessing in my life recently! love ya!