A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Sunday, October 26, 2014

Mr. Butt Slapper

So I get a massage every month at a place in the mall. My current massage therapist likes to talk and we often talk about my dating life. She tells me she has someone to set me up with. I'm very open to that. I mean... why not? Nothing to lose. Although most people say that, but never actually do it.

My massage therapist contacts this guy right after we talked about it and a couple of weeks later he stalks me on Facebook and I guess decides I'm pretty enough to contact. So I get a message from him. We chat back and forth. He seems nice. He asks me out for the next Tuesday for dinner, but I already have dinner plans with my good friends Liz and Ben. So we decide to meet up after just to chat and get to know each other.

Tuesday night he comes and picks me up and we go for a drive. He does most of the talking. I knew he was younger than me... and he knew I was older than him, but we found out that night by how much. A solid 8 years. I'm open minded, so I try not to focus on that. He makes it very clear to me that he loves older women. And as he puts it...

"If you look this good at 31, there are only good things to come"

I could not agree more Mr. Butt Slapper.

Although he did most of the talking, I thought our first outing went pretty well. Well enough that I would go out with him again, which he made clear he wanted to do.

He had asked me out for that weekend. We didn't end up going out because he was sick.

This last week he asked me out for this weekend. He asked me out for Friday to a concert, mixed up the days and wanted me to go to the concert with him on Saturday instead, but Saturday was too crazy for me, so we stuck to Friday and just went out to dinner instead.

I was enjoying our dinner conversation. It was a little more balanced between the both of us than our first encounter. After dinner he wants to hang out at the park. So we take blankets and sit out at the park and chat until we get too cold. As we were walking out of the park he said...

Mr. Butt Slapper - "You have a nice butt"

*He then proceeds to slap it*

Me - "Uh... thanks?"

*I was feeling very caught off guard and not knowing what to say. I never know what to say on the spot in these situations*

Mr. Butt Slapper - "I mean... a lot of guys go for like anorexic girls, but I love having something to grab you know?"

I nervously laughed and didn't really respond.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude. If we were in a relationship and had known each other for a while and were comfortable with each other... I wouldn't have cared. I just don't feel like that is first date material.... but welcome to my dating life.


jamie hixon said...

He's all about that bass, about that bass, no treble...

That is hilarious.

Liz Bailey said...

oh my goodness.