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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Confessions of a Brunette on the Internet 23

Lately I have been thinking a lot of about relationships. This is any type of relationship (spouse, significant other, friend, acquaintance, etc..). They are so complicated. But I feel like they don't have to be. The main thing that I think of is forgiveness. Why is it SO hard for people to forgive? Is it their selfishness and pride? Lack of communication and willingness to understand?

I seriously dislike having bad feelings towards people. Even if I don't necessarily get along with someone and don't want to be their BFF, I would like like to be pleasant with people and have good feelings towards them. In return, I don't like it when people have bad feelings towards me, especially when I can't find a reason for it... like if I knew what I did I would apologize and fix it. Sadly this happens ALL the time. I am no where close to perfect, but I try REALLY hard to be a forgiving person. It doesn't matter what happened and with who. I may need a little bit of time, but in the end I want to forgive and have good feelings towards that person. I have been hurt many times by many different friends and roommates and boyfriends and even when I felt like they were the ones that were in the wrong and that needed to apologize to me and that I would have good reason to never talk to them again... I end up not wanting to hate them. So I try to see things from their side... and know that I was not perfect on my end either, I try to eat a piece of humble pie and I write them a letter of apology and tell them how I feel, but then I let then know that I understand where they are coming from too. Can I just tell you? I am so glad that I have done this... because I have saved some great friendships this way. Even old boyfriends, I am friends with them and their wives. ha ha. I'm not saying you need to stay best friends for life with everyone, some friendships are just meant for a short period of time. What I am saying is that I think it is great to not have bad feelings towards ANYONE. This way, when you run into them around town you don't have to pretend like you didn't see each other and ignore them and create an awkward situation. Okay, so that is not the only reason. It also is nice to not have that weight on your shoulders. I just feel better when I don't hate anyone and people are not hating on me.

I think this could save a lot of marriages. Communication and forgiveness. They are SO important. Someone gets upset, then they don't talk about it or work it out. Then it stirs up inside of them so that everything about the other person starts to bug them. They start to assume what the other person is thinking (when most of the time you ask, and its not the case... people think so differently, you can never assume) and then the longer it goes on, the harder and harder it becomes to forgive and move on. This can go for any relationship. If I marry someone that has those two qualities (forgiving and good communicator), I will count myself very lucky. I know that we would be able to work through anything. I work on this all the time with my roommates. We don't understand each other all the time, but we have always been able to communicate and see the other persons side and forgive each other and we never stay upset at each other for long. We have been happy roommates for 2 years.

I know that it is not always this simple, but I feel like it is something that everyone can improve on. If people put this into action on a daily basis, there would be a lot more love towards other people, a lot more love in relationships, and maybe some marriages wouldn't end.Sometimes I think the reason why it hurts so much is because you love and care about them. Look outside of yourself. Be the bigger person and apologize, even when you don't think it is your fault. If nothing else, it will start communication to understanding each other better. I know there are always exceptions. And sometimes we try and the other person doesn't care enough to put the effort back, but at least you know that you did the right thing. You tried and you can feel better knowing you did everything you could. It is never too late to improve on relationships. And while we are talking about love. I love you all! Thanks for loving and supporting me and caring what is going on in my life. It means a lot to me.

8 comments:

Dallas and Kirsten said...

I know that I struggle with communicating and am working on that. I've always admired Dallas because he is so quick to forgive me and work through whatever issue we are dealing with. Love you and love our friendship!

jamie hixon said...

So true. I think it is great that you have such maturity with these things... it will serve you well in the future.

Lynette Mills said...

Yes... I agree with Jamie.

Melissa Suzanne said...

I think it's hard to forgive people who don't think they need forgiveness even when they have hurt you. What it comes down to is forgiving them anyway because it is better for YOU in the longrun.

Also, all relationships are a two way street, and if one person refuses to contribute to, work on, or put effort into the relationship, the other can only do so much.

Holly said...

Amen! I think my husband is a lot better than I am at this. I really try to remind myself to see things from his perspective as much as I can, and it's amazing how helpful it is (when I remember!).

rachel v. said...

Can I hear an Amen? Amen.

So insightful Tracy- to be honest, I really struggle with forgiveness. It is not easy for me to forgive, and I am not quick to do it. But I am aware of it and working on it, this is a great reminder.

Bre said...

Can I add to the amens? I feel so blessed to be married to Mark. We NEVER fight (and I'm a fighter, so I have to give sole credit to him.) He's so good at communicating and letting things go, realizing that me and my needs, opinions, thoughts, are more important than an argument.

I think that's what people need when it comes right down to it...putting and loving the other person first before themselves

whitty said...

This is a great reminder to me. Very insightful and soooo true :) You are amazing!!