A Girl Should Be Two Things: Classy & Fabulous. - Coco Chanel


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Mr. Matrimonals

If you read my post about my India tour group, you will remember #10 which was the lady that handed me the Matrimonials from the Indian paper because she knew I was single. In that post I also mentioned that Caroline picked out guys for Erin and I from that paper. Two for Erin that are located in NYC and one for me that is located in San Jose, California.

A little over a week ago, Caroline emailed Erin and I with the contact info for these guys so that we could write them and hopefully get a date with them... I mean, maybe it could be love right? Mostly it would just be a funny story. "Bye roommates! I am going out with a guy that my friend picked out for me from the Matrimonials while I was on my tour in India. I will let you know how the date goes." ha ha. I wasn't going to write this guy because I had no intention of going out with him, especially since he is in California and I am in Utah and we believe in two totally different religion's. However, Erin said she was going to write her two guys.... so..... why not write to mine right? What is the worst that could happen, he doesn't write back? So... I go for it.

I wasn't sure what to write. How do you respond to an add in the paper that their parents put in? I didn't know if he would get it or if it would go to his parents. So I went with....

Hi, my name is Tracy. I recently visited India. What a beautiful country. I love it there. While on our tour someone handed my friends and I the Matrimonials out of the paper that day. I'm from California, so my friend pointed this add out, so I thought I would drop an email. Where in California are you living? Hope you are well.


That same day I got a reply back! The email came from a different email address then the one I sent mine to from the name "Friend". His reply was short, just telling me where he lived and asked me where I lived. I then started to ask A LOT of questions. To my surprise he would always reply and give me an answer. Here are some of our emails back and forth to each other. (I know you are dying to know what we talk about)

Me- I live in Utah, but I go home to California a lot. I'm from Santa Barbara California. What part of India are you from? Do you get a lot of reply's to the add? What do you like to do for fun?

Mr. Matrimonials-  I am from New Delhi. yes,got like 120 replies in 3 weeks. This was kind of weird, putting an ad in newspaper..but this didn't seem to work out! Mine would probably be the last generation going through this route of an 'arranged marriage'. 
I like playing sports, astronomy, long drives, movies etc...
what do you do in Utah?

Me- WOW! 120 replies in 3 weeks? That is amazing. Maybe I should have my mom put an add in the paper for me.
What was the weirdest response you have gotten so far? Me? I bet you were not expecting an american girl to respond to an add in the Indian paper.

Mr. Matrimonials-  India has a huge population, this year, 1.1 million students appeared for engineering entrance examination. So, a lot of young people waiting to get married. So, 120 is not a big number, more so because the ad gives very little information.

I haven't gone out with any of those because it was there parents who replied. Yours is definitely the most interesting response. did you reply to any other guys as well? Any reponses other than from me?
I came to US for MBA, I went to Irvine. Now I am working for a company in Silicon valley. I like California, peaceful and comfortable, but I would eventually move back to India. I have no family or relatives here, only some acquaintences and a couple of friends.
I am not a very social person, I am mostly an introverted guy, but I can open up easily. i like artists and art. so, great to know that you sing and play piano. You should put an ad into Indian newspapers (if you like indian guys), you'd definitely get some good responses.

Me- Wow, that is a big population. So the adds are mostly parents corresponding to set their children up together? I wondered if my email would go to you or to your parents. Do parents prefer to arrange their children's marriages or is it pretty common for people to find love on their own?

Mr. Matrimonials- In India, marriage is not just about two individuals, but its about two families. Everyone seems to take interest in the profile of the girl, their parents and background. Then there is this horroscope matching, caste and all the other things. So, parents want to get involved. However, in big cities, it is also common that folks find love on their own. However, it is very easy to see that arranged marriages end up being the more successful ones, probably because of lower expectations. We just started the process, so we are very serious about the different criteria, like horroscope, family, education, diet etc. I am a vegetarian and a religious guy. So, we haven't really been able to find a perfect match, but as we go forward, we'll start relaxing our criteria. I had a couple of GFs before, but it didnt work out. I don't want to go through that whole process again, and I am confident that I can fall in love with my wife, whoever she is. In any case, even love marriages are arranged in the sense that you have to choose someone to whom you an access to, maybe in your neighborhood, in your school, online or something. Trying to find that perfect soulmate is just fooling oneself.
 So, with this process, at least I reduce some chances of facing some unexpected complications.
Horrscope matching is a complicated subject, there are 8-9 parameters that need to be matched, with a maximum score of 36. Then there is something called "manglik", if your horroscope has that condition, you should marry only a "manglik" etc...try matching your horroscope with someone herehttp://www.astrosage.com/freechart/matchmaking.asp . This will give you a very good idea.
I have learned quite a bit about US because anything that happens in US is a world phenomenon. US is really popular in India.
I am a friend to my father, so we are kind of working on this marriage project together ;).
If I move back to India permanently, it would have to be within next 2 years...but I have these dreams of starting my own company in silicon valley or working for a company that requires me to visit Delhi frequently. 
India guys do like American girls, but when it comes to marriage or long term relationships, they are not very comfortable about it.This is because of cultural diffrences and societal pressure. But there would be many who fantacise being with a hot American blonde, its a part of the whole American dream. Britishers during their 200 year rule on India kind of manipulated our mindsets to consider light skinned women as more beautiful, and this is a reason we really admire white women.
I have noticed that most American women dont like Indian guys here because of many reasons like, there are too many of us here, we generally arent that tall, and then our accents...
Do you like Indian guys?

 Our emails went back and forth several times for the first few days. We even did a picture exchange. Towards the end of the week, it was once a day. Now I have not heard from him in a couple of days. Not sure if our pen pal relationship is over yet or not. I call him my Indian boyfriend. If he doesn't write me back in a week or so, I will consider us "broken up". I'm crossing my fingers its not over.  ;o) If it is, it was fun while it lasted and I actually learned a lot about Indian culture from him. I am just glad that he played along and wrote me back even though my response to his add was not serious. He seems like a pretty cool guy. 

Here is the match maker


flux biota. said...

he does seem like a nice guy and those letters helped me learn a lot about how marriage works in india.

Bethany said...

How awesome! Very interesting insight!

mjfin22 said...

I love this post! That is such an interesting perspective on marriage and dating. Well worth sending that first email! So fun, even if it was a short relationship! ;-)

Caroline said...

This is so interesting, I'm so glad you e-mailed him!


Karen Ella said...

Dude, hilarious. I love that he was so open to explaining a whole different perspective. Awesome.

Lynette Mills said...

That was very informative...

s a r a s o d a 1 said...

That's awesome Tracy!!! I admire him for being SO open and honest...and I learned a great deal from reading his responses - thanks for sharing your Indian Boyfriend!!!

jamie hixon said...

This is great information. I think his view of marriage is refreshing.

Dallas and Kirsten said...

This is seriously hilarious! I love it that you actually emailed him. You know if you wanted to come out and visit, we're only 30 minutes from San Jose :) Love ya!

Abby Wright said...

Possibly my most favorate blog post I have ever read from ANYONE! This was seriously cool. I was scared that you were going to go out with him with out REALLY knowing him. Guess we do that dating anyway. But still wow!

Nicole said...

Great post Tracy! Funny yet interesting.

Lauren Graff said...

Indian Boyfriend!!! hahah love it!you are funny!

politicchic6 said...

He was just being modest when he said 120 responses wasn't a lot... sounds like a keeper!